A confession…

tomorrow_instantFirstly, an apology. I have eleven days of thankfulness to catch up on, and if I’m correct that’s 33 things to be thankful for. I’m sorry for being lazy to update my quest of thankfulness which brings me to…

Secondly, a confession. The past two weeks of my life have presented me with more challenges than I remember in my 21 years of life, and with these bumps, I haven’t felt thankful at all. I’ve always set out to be honest in my writing and shouldn’t hide that pushing myself to be thankful is one of my hardest challenges of all. A couple of weeks ago (that same week I described as a roller-coaster here) I found out my contract wouldn’t be renewed for 2013, and just like that my job that I’ve loved and poured my life into for two years was gone.

I feel like I’m slowly going through the seven stages of grief with a few stages to go… At first I felt a sense of freedom and excitement, this opened up many new possibilities for me and would give me my first time off from work since graduating where I could sit down and discover what the future may hold for me…but that feeling was soon engulfed by a overwhelming tide of despair, knowing how tight the job market is at the moment and a sense of loss, feeling like I was letting go of an identity that I had been tied to through my job for two years.

I’ve also since gone through the stage of anger… a “why me?” phase that has seen my gradually filling bottle of emotions explode into tears, frustration, hurt and fear. Yet I think writing this down has officially moved me into the fourth stage; reflection, and it’s made me realise just how much I have to be thankful for again.

I am thankful for the wonderful opportunities, incredible people and life-changing lessons I’ve taken away from my job. I’ve been completely shaped by everything I’ve learnt in the last two years and know the interests and passions I’ll take away from this job will stay with me for life. I am thankful for new opportunities to learn and grow that I will have in 2013, whatever that future may hold. After seeing just how quickly life can be taken when news spread of the tragic massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut I was reminded to be thankful of life, for the days I’ve breathed before now and the days I’ll continue to be blessed with life: new opportunities, challenges and lessons.

Yet if there’s one thing that remains above all else and is enough to count as 33 things to be thankful for and more, it’s Jesus.

These past two weeks have been utterly humbling. I’ve learnt that I can’t and shouldn’t do everything on my own, and for that I have Jesus to be thankful for. I am thankful for the relationship I’m able to have with him because he came into our world (hello Christmas!), knew what it was like to suffer and ultimately showed this by dying for usIf I can’t be thankful for this, I don’t know what is more worthy to be thankful for!

I am scared, anxious and nervous about what 2013 holds but I’m slowly learning to give that all way…and exchange it for trust.

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” – Matthew 6:34

I’ve been challenged to be truly honest this fortnight – is there something that’s been burdening you that you need to be honest about too? This week, please write it down somewhere or tell a friend, I’m all ears if you need me 🙂

Sorry for the lack of images in this post! They will return shortly.

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2 Comments

  1. Laura

    I’m so sorry to hear about your job Caitlin, I know how much of yourself you gave to it. I also know that this is an opportunity for you to go on to bigger and better things! I find all your blog posts so inspiring, this one especially, and I absolutely love that quote- it holds so much truth. Good luck with everything, hopefully we will have the chance to catch up when I get back to Australia x

  2. Leanne Hill

    I am so proud of you in the way you have handled this very trying time. You have learnt, and I dare say will continue to learn, that it is God who holds the future and he is the only one who remains constant in an uncertain time. Your humility, perseverance and faith are encouraging. Keep clinging to our heavenly Father and see how he will answer in ways you don’t expect. Love, Mum xx

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